1.PLUG IN YOUR HEADPHONES
2.PRESS PLAY
3.CLOSE YOUR EYES
ENJOY A VIRTUAL HAIRCUT.
DO IT NOW.
HOLY CRAP MANNN
Pretty nifty.
Do you want to know a secret?
Sometimes, I hate college.
I hate college for one reason - ironically, the very reason why I should love it.
College revealed that I know absolutely nothing about my faith, that despite 18 years of missing Sunday School only when I was sick or on vacation, I’ve learned very little.
That I’ve wasted probably more than 1/5th of my life by being satisfied with being average.
Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I looked forward to college and the independence that it would bring. I didn’t even really care which school I ended up at, just that I would be able to wake up late and live with people my own age once I got there. I wanted so badly to be the person that other people saw in me, the leader that my small group kids respected: the independent, confident, responsible, Godly girl I had pretended to be. I put up such a heavily guarded mask that I could no longer remember my true identity.
That’s why my first quarter at UCLA was so important. I had to prove that I could thrive as a Christian without the comfort of my church or my grade, the way I always thought I could - that I wasn’t part of the statistic of collegians that fell away from God that I had heard about so many times. I had to prove that I wasn’t just an empty shell, that underneath the facade, I still had depth. But as I slowly grew accustomed to living in a new place, I became more and more scared as I realized that I didn’t know who I was anymore.
“Most of the young people from FCBC don’t know what to believe.”
When someone first told me this, I was furious. How could anyone say that? I loved FCBC. But as my anger subsided and I surrounded myself with Christians not from my church, I started to understand that although the statement may not be completely true, it applied to me. I sure didn’t know what to believe. My wavering faith was even more glaringly obvious when I looked at the students in the fellowships I attended at UCLA and saw the passion that they had for Christ that I so clearly lacked.
Last week, I went to my church’s college retreat. I’ll admit: I always, always go into retreats with ulterior motives - because I want to stay in the FCBC loop, catch up with my grade, play board games, be around a boy, you name it. This retreat was a little different. Although I did not go because I thought that my faith would be impacted, I went hoping to figure out why I had no real spiritual foundation.
I know what you’re expecting me to say - 1. This retreat was different, 2. I was deeply touched by the messages, 3. the speaker was amazing, and 4. I left a changed person. blah blah blah.
But I’m not going to. Those four sentences were statements I had uttered many times before after the countess retreats I had attended prior to this past one. And even though I believed them when I said them, nothing had changed in my life when I returned home. Why?
I realized that before I got to college, I had always accepted what the speakers told me as true. I allowed myself to be blown out of my mind every time a speaker mentioned something I had never heard before or introduced a completely new and different idea. I was lazy, simply accepting the beliefs of the speakers I heard as my own. And every time I went on a retreat, I altered my opinion and my faith. My wishy-washy faith had nothing to do with the church I attended. It had everything to do with me. I had started to believe in speakers and pastors instead of God, grounding my faith in sermons and conversations instead of the Bible.
The thing is, it doesn’t work. Man is flawed. Retreat speakers are flawed. When the people I listened to started telling me ideas and beliefs that conflicted with each other, I got confused. I started to doubt the existence of God.
I’m still learning. But I realize now that every Christian is different. Yes, I should listen to what the people around me have to say. It’s great to hear a wide array of opinions. But it’s okay to disagree with a speaker. It’s okay to believe or not believe in predestination. It’s okay to be different. Ultimately, I need to dive into the Word and decide for myself what I believe. I need to build my foundation upon Christ, on rock instead of sand.
So I’m not going to write a post about the things I learned from the speaker last week. At least not until I’ve gone over my notes multiple times and searched my Bible.
Note: I just realized how long this is….. I’ll be very impressed if you actually read this entire post….
(in no particular order)
1. when the dykstra elevators open immediately after i push the button (very very rare)
2. spotify
3. YRL couches
4. tea lattes
5. wifi everywhereee
6. study buddies
7. six free replacement room keys
8. hole punched room key
9. swipes
10. late night conversations
11. random afternoon conversations
12. “studying”
13. going back home
14. laughter
15. unlimited texting
16. blasting music at 3:30 in the morning
17. sleeping at 5
18. deneve froyo machine
19. old friends
20. new friends
21. roommates
22. figuring out a chem problem
23. words with friends
24. vegan cookies
25. freedom
26. illegal hot water boiler
27. seat cushion
28. solution guides
29. mattress pads
30. quarters
31. phone calls
32. videochatting
33. mail!
34. six degrees of separation
35. post-its
36. fruit
37. good music
38. awesome classmates
39. walking to class together
40. walking to class alone
41. wall posts
42. showering in an empty bathroom
43. photos
44. brunch
45. mondays
46. fridays
47. brothers and sisters in Christ
48. relient k, ferrero rocher, haagan dazs, adele, etc….
49. snacks
50. cereal
51. chivalry
52. visitors
53. brita
54. rice
55. shower slippers
56. cough drops
57. caffeine
58. naps
59. living on the bottom of the hill
60. late night pizza
61. sitting near an outlet
62. alarms
63. having too many things to list
I haven’t really used my tumblr all that much. However, now that I’m a “responsible” college student (it still feels weird to say that), I think that I should document my adventures here at UCLA. Of course, this probably means I’ll keep it up for a week and then stop posting after that when midterms roll around. We’ll see what happens.
So here goes.
Things I’ve learned so far:
1) You can get used to anything.
No seriously. Even living in an eight by ten rectangle with two other people. Or using the sketch shower stalls/communal changing area. Or seeing urinals in the girls’ restroom. You get the point.
2) The whole “you can get anywhere on campus in 10 minutes” thing is a total lie.
People should really stop saying that UCLA is the smallest UC campus. Sure that might be true, but it is definitely the most “textured” (aka HILLY). Which means that 8am classes are not really 8am classes, they are more like.. 7:40am classes. Unless you like sprinting uphill to class in the morning. And I can’t really complain. Because I live at the bottom of the hill. Life must suck for those on top of the hill. That’s all I can say.
3) “Fellowshopping” could be a full time profession.
No joke. There are about…twentyish fellowships here at UCLA. And most of those fellowships have multiple events during the week. Do the math. If you want to check out, let’s say, half of them, chances are.. you’ll be at a fellowship every night. Don’t even think about visiting all of them. And when you’re not attending a fellowship, you’re trying to figure out which fellowship you think you want to be a part of. Or you’re trying to devise a plan to hit both Cru and AACF in one night. Or you’re reading emails and fielding phone calls about some new fellowship event. Very tiring.
4) College automatically transforms you into an extremely cheap, broke student. Regardless of how much money you have.
Something weird happens when you go to college. You stop wanting to spend money. You especially despise spending money on food.. Because hello. You have swipes. And spending $20 on kbbq seems like a small fortune… Even though you got kbbq all the time during the summer. Yeah. It’s strange.
5) Elevators are scary.
At least the Dykstra elevators are. But I guess it’s an adventure. You never really know where you’re going to end up when you get in! One time I was fortunate enough to get into the 7th floor elevator with the intention of going to the 2nd floor… only to go down to the super scary basement, then back up to the 10th floor (where no one got on) then to the 6th floor (again, no one got on) before finally reaching my destination. See what i mean? Of course, this also makes for some good conversation in the elevators, instead of the incredibly awkward silent elevator ride common to other dorms.
6) Phone usage increases exponentially.
Phone = essential. And, in all honestly, I barely used my phone when I was in high school. I left it at home all the time. Now, it’s seriously a crime if you don’t take your phone with you wherever you go. Forget about it for like five minutes and BAM 4 new messages. It’s like magic.
7) Having a good meal plan wins you some upperclassmen friends and some weekend visitors.
Maybe friends isn’t the best word if they’re just using you. I can’t say I blame them. The food is really good. Also, you stop liking fried foods and soda after about a week when you realize that they’re not all that good when you can have as much as you want.
8) You should get your name, major, and dorm tattooed on your forehead.
Then maybe you would be slightly more creative when introducing yourself to other people. I’m actually really curious to see what people would start asking each other if these three default icebreakers weren’t options…
9) You realize who your true friends back home are.
Because these are the people that you still stay in contact with when you’re in school. I actually think I got closer to some of my friends from home after I moved here. Because now we have a reason to text, call, or videochat with each other every day.
10) You find out who you really are.
The amount of freedom you have is scary. You don’t have anyone telling you what to do, nor do you have anyone keeping you from making bad decisions. Now, it’s all on you. You quickly begin to see what type of person you are without your parents watching your every move. And slowly, you begin to see if you’re really as strong or straight-edge as you thought you were.
I saw God work in so many ways this week, whether it was…
not realizing what I was getting myself into when I prayed to God to please, please challenge me this year in Arizona,
opening a kid’s journal on Friday and seeing that, after a week of begging him to write something appropriate to no avail, he had written that he would miss us and VBS,
sitting in the trunk of a car with a fellow HSMTer on Friday, crying with him because he wasn’t sure if he would ever see the kid that he had just dropped off again,
feeling heartbroken when I heard one of my kids beg to be dropped off last because he didn’t want to leave VBS,
looking at the journal of one of the quietest girls in our group and reading that she was starting to believe in God, even though we hadn’t even counseled her yet,
having a completely unexpected heart-to-heart on the ride back home to California,
being filled with fear Thursday night,
seeing the absolutely amazing view after climbing a rock formation during my last drop-off,
seeing the power of prayer,
seeing rain, heavy rain, multiple times,
worshipping with the Navajos at El Nathan,
the unexpected jam session turned worship,
the joking, laughing, and fellowshipping.
all I can say is that God is real and He never ceases to amaze me.
this video is so refreshing, i watch it every once in a while to remind myself what college is all about.
Such a good video. Campus crusade, ASU.
So I know I haven’t updated in AGES. In my defense, though (and I think the other seniors would agree with me), 2nd semester has been pretty crazy. And by crazy, I mean TPCASTTs, free response questions, balsa wood bridges, Princeton Review, and… college. And since I have exactly 7 days to decide which school I will be spending the next four years at (I know, no big deal) and I still have absolutely NO IDEA which school to choose, I decided to do what a rational/responsible/organized person would do in this situation: make a pro/con list! Please note: sorry, this post is really really long and kinda rambly (I’m in the car on the way home). Just remember, you’ve been warned.
So far, I’ve eliminated 3 from my list (SLO, UCSD, USC)… leaving me with a grand total of 4 schools.
UC DAVIS: When I was younger, I always told my family and anyone else who asked that I wanted to go to Davis. You’re probably thinking, “Why would you ever want to go there?” Well the truth is, I really like cows. JK. Actually, I’ve always wanted to become a veterinarian, and Davis’s animal science department is amazing. On Friday, as I sat through the wonderful six hour drive up to Davis, I was treated to the lovely scenic view of…farms. Wait, not even farms…just rolling green fields (cue Sound of Music). Not a cow in sight. :( I must say, I was pretty disappointed. The “college town” that supposedly surrounds Davis consists of a few stores, markets, and… grass. But, nevertheless, I walked onto the campus, determined to have an open mind. Here’s what I learned:
1. I was shocked by the vast number of bikes on campus. No, really. I think I saw at least 2,000 bikes throughout the day. Almost every student (or so it seemed) at Davis owns/uses a bike to get around campus. There are even bike policemen who ticket! Apparently, BUIs are the most popular, which stand for (you guessed it) biking under the influence. Considering that I have not ridden a bike since I was in fifth grade, the idea of learning to use bike paths/avoid pedestrians seemed slightly daunting.
2. There is a reason everyone bikes. The campus is huge and very very flat and the buildings are spread far apart. As a whole, it’s not very attractive, either. It’s nice and green, though. And there are cute little mallard ducks wandering around everywhere! Also, one of the dining places is a silo… which is…. cool, I guess.
3. The food is pretty good. I was surprised. Also, the local farmers’ market comes to campus every week. The fruit is so good… I think I had the best strawberries of my life.
4. I spent most of my time at a reception for Regent scholars, where I had a chance to talk to the animal science professor. He was personable, enthusiastic, and incredibly helpful, and I could just tell that he absolutely loved his job. Honestly, I was nearly ready to commit after I spoke with him.
5. I wasn’t kidding when I said it before. The animal science department is….absolutely amazing (that’s really the only way to describe it). I mean, it’s second in the nation and the school houses the most types of species on their campus for research in the world. They even have a primate center! Also, you can intern at Davis’s grad school for veterinary science.. which allows you to see what it would be like and could possibly give you a leg up in admissions.
6. The thing that appealed to me is the fact that Davis is extremely hands-on. Classes are more lab-focused than lecture-based. Davis has the ability and the facilities (especially in the animal science department) to teach by doing, instead of telling. Freshmen who take animal science learn how to milk a cow!
7. Overall, I found that the students I met and the people I saw at UCD were very friendly and welcoming. I definitely got that sense of community at the school.
8. Being Regents, I have the advantages of choosing my classes first, living in the nicest dorm, and being part of the Honors program, where students get to take smaller classes and talk to the professors one-on-one.
In a nutshell, I got the sense that UCD takes care of its students… which I felt was something the other UCs lacked. What surprised me the most was the fact that I thought, after visiting all the schools that I had gotten into, that I would receive the best education at Davis. However, I honestly don’t know if I could give up the 3 other schools to go to Davis. Davis lacks the atmosphere of UCLA, the intellect of Cal, and the excitement of BC. Let’s face it: Davis simply doesn’t have the reputation or prestige of the other schools I could go to.
BOSTON COLLEGE: I think I have always slightly favored BC because, well, it’s in Boston. And I love Boston. I love the idea of leaving everything that’s familiar to me… and entering into an entirely new and distinctly different place than home. I love the idea of a clean slate. I love knowing that I can pretty much become whoever I want if I go there. I love how well rounded the school is; how BC has both academics and athletics. I love the small classes and the close knit community. I love the campus. I love the architecture and the history behind it (it’s pretty much exactly what you would imagine a college to look like, if that makes any sense). I love BC because, although I know it would be a challenge, I also know that the experiences that I would have there would be rewarding too. Wherever I end up going, some part of my heart will always be with BC.
But then again… can I really justify making my parents pay double the price it would cost me to go to the other three UCs? Can I really say right now that it would be worth it? No, I can’t… because I don’t know. Living in a strange new place is exciting, but it’s also frightening. I barely know anyone in Boston, and I would rarely get the chance to go home. Going to BC means going far, far out of my comfort zone. Going to Boston means… giving up a whole lot.
UCLA: Throughout this past year, I’ve been pretty sure I would end up at UCLA. It’s close to home, it’s well-rounded, the environment in general is great. And people have told me for the longest time that they always thought that I would go to LA. Even now, my family thinks that this is the school that I’m ultimately going to end up at. But… I don’t know. UCLA feels like the expected choice, the safe choice, the comfortable choice. I know so many people going to UCLA next year, and to be perfectly honest, I’m a little turned off by that. The academics are excellent, the student body is intelligent, but classes are huge… and UCLA just doesn’t feel that personal to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I lack the enthusiasm and excitement for the school that I’ve noticed that other people have. In fact, I’ve always been pretty ambivalent about UCLA (probably because my mom went to USC). And yeah, I would probably learn to love it, but I just don’t right now. I like the school, definitely, but I wish that… I wish that I felt something deeper. UCLA is…the practical choice, but it’s not necessarily my favorite one.
CAL: I’ll be honest. I was pretty much determined to dislike Berkeley from the moment I applied (actually, I’m not even sure why I applied but I’m glad that I did). I visited Berkeley (but I didn’t really go on the campus) a few years back and I hated the area. Yeah, I guess I’ve changed a lot since then. Anyways, when my parents wanted to visit again, I was not very excited (to say the least). Since it was the last school that I was going to see, I subconsciously even wished that I wouldn’t like the school so I could cross Cal off my list of choices. I know, horrible. But I’m saying this to stress how much I absolutely wanted to dislike the school. So… here’s how my visit went:
11:00 - We check out of the hotel and leave Oakland to go to Berkeley.
11:30 - We arrive at Berkeley, but we have an hour and a half to kill before our tour.
11:30-12:45 - My parents drive aimlessly around the area, while I observe that the city is a lot nicer than I expected. Also, there are a lot of really good places to eat.
12:50 - We park and walk to the school.
12:50 -1:00 - I am am in shock because Cal is BEAUTIFUL. No really, it’s so pretty.
1:00 - We arrive at Campanile, where there is a whole crowd of people waiting to go on the tours (and also a bunch of little kids searching for Easter eggs in the grass)
1:00-1:05 - We split off into groups and the tour begins.
1:05 - I realize that my tour guide is awesome. haha. He informs us that Campanile is taller than Stanford’s tower. And also that students (in a certain class) can play any type of music on the carillon (the bells in the tower), even TAYLOR SWIFT.
1:05-3:00 - The tour passes by really quickly (even though it is by far the longest college tour I have been on). I learn that Cal at one point had the largest building on a college campus in the world, before Harvard got jealous. I learn that Cal has so much history. I learn that most things started with Cal (like free speech on campus!). I learn that Cal students are diverse and just plain interesting. I learn that the student body is passionate and so proud of the fact that they go to Cal. I learn that the level of school spirit is comparable and maybe even higher than that of UCLA.
3:00 - I am sad to leave Berkeley.
So I ended up really really liking Cal. I can only describe it as… intense. I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing. It’s quite clearly competitive… maybe even cutthroat. Drugs and partying are obviously a part of the school and the environment is probably the exact opposite of what I’m used to. And while the school doesn’t seem unsafe… it’s not exactly the safest school I’ve visited.
Anyways, I’m finally done…I’m exhausted! haha. If you managed to read through this entire thing, congratulations! You deserve a gold star. If you’re annoyed that I took up so much space on your dashboard, I’m very sorry. And if you have any advice, it’s welcome!
i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc i hate calc
i need ice cream.
When I was a freshman, senior year seemed like a very, very distant future. As a sophomore, I started to think that I would finally get to relax when I became a senior. Last year, I just wished for junior year to be over. And now that I’m a senior…I realize that this year’s not nearly as great as I imagined it to be. Quite the opposite, in fact.
I’m not going to lie; it’s been a long three and a half years.
And it sucks. It sucks to spend every day wishing that the next day will come faster, to count the days until graduation.
Yes, being a second semester senior feels great-in fact, it’s a downright relief. But sometimes…it just feels like the start of another half of a year before I’m out of here.
So what have I learned? That I dislike Euler, soap bottles, college apps, and Dickinson. That mass quantities of mangoes are delicious. That Starbucks makes me feel better.
That I’m ready to move on.
